Blogs by cribbooky

I lied. You don't actually have to read this, but now that you're here...

While reading some of my recent blogs (someone has to do it), I noticed that I wasn't laughing unless my mind wondered. I had just finished reading somone else's blog that was hilarious so the contrast was really apparent and annoying. This sucked, of course, because instead of reading my stuff, I wanted to go back and read their stuff, which is bad for business. NO, I will not give you their link. Let them do their own marketing. It's a cut throat world.

The topics that I cover are important, but they are just aren't funny or amusing. In fact, they range from boring to depressing with an occasional peg on the thought provoking meter (I hope). Hyper-inflation (tee-hee), out of control spending by our politicians (har-har-har!), unfair taxation (hoo-hah!), crushing debt (ha-ha-haaaa!!), socialized medicine agenda (stop you're killing me!!! - bonus pun there), and blah, blah, blah. Well, I plan to keep writing about my favorite obsession, fixing our country, but now I have the best of intentions for making it funner. From what I hear, good intentions can win the Nobel Peace Prize so there is hope for my success.

Doing it the fun way makes sense because I ain't getting no paycheck for this, and now I am liberated to use the word ain't. Funner definitely goes better with beer for both the reader and the writer (shopping reminder - buy liquid tolerant keyboard, which should raise some eyebrows at the store). It is my mission to induce eye watering laughter with loss of bladder control (bathroom humor foreshadowing) and your sufficient quantity of beer consumption will assist meeting this objective so I would appreciate your cooperation.

The comic approach could also come in handy on the rare occassion that I forget to spell check. Peeple will assume I did it to be phunny so I'm covvered their (I know "their" is incorrect - keep up!). Spell checking this will be such a pain now. Oh, the sacrifices. This offers a whole new array of tools at my disposal: satire, impersonation, puns, gross exageration, dirty limericks, gangsta rap, wild fonts, reckless abandon, Tiger Woods simile, invented words, knock-knock jokes, bold face lies (poetic license to kill), and so much more. The tools available for this approach to my craft are fun, quite handy and limitless. The liberals don't stand a chance now! I don't plan to fight fair. That's for pansies.

Dry blogs convey information, but they just ain't fun to read or write so no one reads them (I am getting so comfortable with "ain't"). Cyndi had it right when she sang "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". We all do. So with this headline news worthy pledge to write funner blogs, you are probably now riveted to your monitor, hanging on each word, wondering what to expect. For starters, fairly good spelling and grammar because I am a little obsessive compulsive, but no meds are required so I may drop an "ain't" on you once in awhile (I was just compelled to check to see if awhile was one word or two. Hmmm meds maybe?).

I will usually try to avoid the use of bathroom humor (never say never). I had asparagus for dinner so I could definitely go there right now (how short never can be says Yoda). To maximize my reader base, I will try to avoid being too potty mouthed and will save that crap for my verbal assaults. Okay, let's exit bathroom humor hell already and move on. I will try to avoid pissin' you off (I can't stop myself), but if/when my reader base gets inevitably and extremely huge (please forward this article), there will always be someone practicing disagreement or unhappiness with a few achieving expert levels. If that happens, send your complaints to ignored@cribbooky.com.

Don't be afraid to read further. I actually have had experience with attempted humor in the past (insert shameless plug here) so you are in the hands of a professional. I actually doubled my book sales last year (sold two of them). You must admit that are you still here reading (to deny this would be very liberalish) so you either have absolutely nothing better to do, or I'm nailing it. Please don't go (it would be so embarrasing to lose you now).

In worse case scenarios (like now), I may have to abandon central focus on my core concerns of fixing our country, in which case I will apply comic genius throughout the article and then ambush you at the end with a reminder to join the US Stakeholders Movement (gotcha).

Hey, I'm smiling. This new approach may just work for everyone. More to come.

Be nice.