Why The Long Hair?
Every time someone asks me about why I am letting my hair grow long, I try to provide a different answer. Here's the list so far...
It's the only hobby for which I have the time and energy to fully partake.
I'm like one of those eccentric, millionaire geniuses except that I don't have a lot of money, and I'm not that bright.
It's what Jesus did.
Why not?
It hides my shameful tattoo.
It's my pre-emptive strike against male pattern balding. I am going for shock and awe.
I'm running a lice ranch.
To prepare for my new career as a professional wrestler.
Why did you cut yours?
What do you mean? I just cut it yesterday!
It annoys my boss.
I lost a bet.
Since no matter is created from nothing, I am obviously gaining possesion of a larger share of the existing universe with each additional hair cell.
Because wigs make my head itch.
To piss off my balding frenemies.
In case of sudden homelessness, I will fit in better.
I'm planning to start a cult.
Because the voices told me to.
It improves my odds of joining a boy band.
It's a cry for help.
To add more challenge to my job interviews.
I thought size doesn't matter.
What are you, a conformity cop or something?
Just planning ahead for my Cousin It costume for 2017.
I like feeling the wind in my hair, and Oklahoma has a lot of wind so...
To provoke skepticism when I present my ID.
♪ Click here, watch and listen. ♪
Hey, it worked for Fabio.
Sharp object, ears, eyes, jugular vein... which object doesn't belong?
I'm hoping to be Hans Solo's new co-pilot <insert Wookie growl noise here>. Say it out loud, "Wookie Bobo".
I swear that it makes me a better drummer.
It was heads for long hair or tails for nipple rings. It came up heads (with only two do-overs).
Hair is matter. Matter is energy. I am gaining more energy.
Hair cut time competes with gaming and naps. I am a man with solid priorities.
Just because.
To shear or not to shear, that is the question.
I'm the anti-Kevin (Kevin has really short hair and was there when I was asked).
I'll check with Kid Rock and get back to you on that.
I will never be caught without dental floss again.
You should know in case this discussion turns hostile that my kung fu is better than your kung fu. (spoken with unsynced lip movements)
Didn't we have this conversation about two inches ago?
I'm not one of those sneaky cooks that allows their guests to swallow tiny hairs. If I lose hair in the food, you will know it!
I'm making serious progress with my Chaetophobia.
Can you prove that it is my hair that is growing and not the rest of the universe that is shrinking? (nod to The Final Theory by Mark McCutcheon)
Más pelo es bueno. (translate)
I'm originating the eighth deadly sin one inch at a time.
Maybe you're onto something. Since that hypnotist show, I have also been clapping on the hour. Hmmmm.
I'm addicted to Rogaine ®.
Ozone layer hole shielding.
Hair is matter, and my head does matter (nod to Anne Boleyn).
I like crashing group therapy sessions to watch the Chaetophobics scatter.
I liked you better when you asked me if I was losing weight.
You know how it is... "Hair today, gone tomorrow."
Of all of the knowledge that can be gained in the universe, this is what you seek?
Why the long hair? Why the Mohawks? Why did Britney shave her head? Why is everyone so fascinated with hair?
I'm not sure exactly, but it somehow relates to karmic retribution, hippies, and a fortune cookie message I suspect.
Did you know that many European girls don't shave their armpits? I'd figure that one out first if I were you.
I am embarrassed about the crazy amount of ear hair that I am sporting.
Let me summarize this briefly. Several hundred million years ago there were single celled organisms from which multi-celled organisms evolved. From these evolved sponges...
Hey come back. I'm just getting started.
Do you ask all of those men with short hair why they chose that hair style? I bet not! That's discrimination!!!
It's my liberal disguise.
Conformity is overrated. Look where it went with the Nazis.
Well I can't cut it now that you made a big deal about it.
It's preparation for my planned nudist retirement lifestyle. You will thank me later.
A few too many MTV videos in the 80's, I guess.
Apparently to experience having my face tickled ALL OF THE TIME.
I am glad that you could not tell it's a wig. I started balding a long time ago.
It's a marketing thing.
This way my employer knows that I am not interviewing. It's a demonstration of loyalty.
What else am I supposed to do with all of this extra protein?
Because doing a Samurai topknot with short hair is impossible.
Oh no... hair we go again.
Because Oklahoma winter mornings are not frigid enough until you have wet hair on your neck and back to fully experience those sub-freezing temps.
Have you ever seen the little shirt tag sticking up out of the back of someone's collar? Well I can now assure you that won't be me.
Don't make me go Samson on ya!
Because she kissed a girl and she liked it.
It's the only form of rebellion that my wife will tolerate longer than 15 seconds.
I'm just gearing up for the eventual comb-over days.
When asked in Oklahoma: Louisina men often wear their hair long because of their cajun heritage.
When asked in Louisina: Lot's of geeks wear their hair long in Oklahoma where I work.
I did it to inspire this list.
If you really, really want to know then click here.
