EL INTRO
In these modern times, technological advances have made things possible that were not possible a decade or two ago, and it just keeps getting better. As technology advances, tools and processes get better, and new technologies can be created and improved upon at an ever increasing pace. It's an upward cycle of evolution that is boundless. There seems to be no limit to the creative ways that technology can be used to improve our lives and increase our comfort levels leaving us more time for the important things in our lives. As an advanced race, we should now have the knowledge, maturity and decency to be an amazing life force with an idealistic human experience of collective peace, harmony, abundance and love.
The weird thing is that with all of this technology and evolution, there still seems to be an unlimited number of jerks running around the planet. They go around doing whatever they want to whomever they wish, which causes a lot of unnecessary stress and unhappiness. Our mission here at Fantassy Products, Inc. is to provide creative technical solutions to many of those problems. Extreme problems (like the massive population of jerks) require extreme solutions. We use blazing embedded processor speeds, extensible object oriented software, genetic engineering, nano-technologies, automation and robotics, anti-gravity hover drones, artificial intelligence, and zero point energy converters to their full potential. While it's true that not everyone will be able to afford these products, we are hoping that just having them out there will act as a strong deterrent to offensive behaviors and raise awareness levels to make the world a better place for everyone. Prices for technology have a downward tendency so maybe you too will be able to afford some of these one day, and join the fight against the jerk life forms. We sincerely hope so (more sales for us and more suffering meatheads).
Until our products have become common place, consider this. If you find that you are moseying along in the fast lane with an open road in front of you and a line of cars stacking up behind you, then follow these simple steps: slap yourself a couple times, increase your speed the two or three miles per hour that is required to actually get past the cars at your side (such that relative speed difference is similar to someone walking past a parked car), signal and change lanes after you get past those cars. Then slap your self two or three more times sharply for good measure. We'd appreciate that.
We now introduce our product line.