DISCLAIMERS
The ads and products in this publication are fictitious, and were created for your amusement only. Okay; that’s not totally true. I enjoyed creating them so it was for my amusement too. Therefore, a more accurate statement is that the ads and products in this publication are fictitious, and were created for OUR amusement only. Well, that and to line my pockets some hopefully. Alright, since we’re being all open and honest now, it’s also true that some of these products or subcomponents have close cousins out there today, and we’re talking kissing cousins; that kind of close (pardon my southern boy influenced analogies). Although some involved components or technologies may exist out there in the wild, I seriously doubt (and really, really hope I am correct about this for the sake of avoiding litigation) that they have actually been thrown together in quite the same ways such as to form the fictitious products described for OUR amusement. However, if there is some similarly between these fictitious products in this publication and one or more ideas, products, wacky devices, highly classified projects, or gnarly tattoos in some unmentionable places, let me assure you that any similarity is totally unintentional and coincidental, and I make no claim of association, ownership, due profits, rights to, or (most importantly) liability for, any of those similar ideas, inventions, products; not even the tattoos.
Also, the characters depicted in this publication are fictitious. Although they may certainly look like someone we know, hate, stalk, or ignore, none of these characters are meant to represent any of those individuals. Any similarities in their appearance or demonstrated behavior is purely coincidental. Any similarities in their voices or words is truly worrisome because this publication does not provide sound effects so those voices may suggest the need for a dosage adjustment for any prescription medications you may be taking. Any of those voices suggesting that you come visit me and/or cause me or anyone else harm are only joking and really should not be taken seriously.
As I was saying, the characters, ads (nothing actually for sale here – except this catalog – please buy it!) and products in this publication, or this combination of ones and zeroes that work together to look like a publication, whichever the case may be, are fictitious as mentioned above, and were created for OUR amusement and other purposes that involve money, my possible need of therapy, just a touch of egocentricity, and possibly even some miniscule contribution to the meaning of life and the universe (yep, there’s the egocentricity that I just mentioned).
And now for more important stuff. Some of these products or their components may be in existence today or the future, but should not be combined and used in a manner that would cause another human living being (now Mom and PETA are happy too) harm, damage property, violate the rights of a third party, ruin the mood of a keg party, nor cause embarrassment, regardless of how much fun it appears to be in this publication, or this combination of ones and zeroes that work together to look like a publication, whichever the case may be.
In the event, that some of you whackos read this, get inspired and/or drunk, and decide to create similar devices or contraptions using existing or future technologies or products, or even from scratch, and then you decide to declare war on the jerks of the world, or even just the really big one for whom no reasonable jury would convict you, please do not even think about blaming me. This disclaimer is telling everyone not to do this. Doing this is bad, taboo, illegal, immoral, yet strangely not fattening, which is why it would be truly fun, but you still cannot do this, and if you do, I have certainly advised you not to do this. Having stated that, I am hopefully off the hook, and can now spend what would be my attorney budget on advertising this publication, or this combination of ones and zeroes that work together to look like a publication, whichever the case may be.
Fantassy Products, Inc. is currently a fictitious company name according to the search engines that I have used. Any similarity to an existing company name is purely coincidental.
Finally, I apologize to anyone that I have offended by using the “catalog” version of the word rather than “catalogue”. The “ue” extension version of the word just never made sense to me. What’s up with that?! If this upsets you greatly, I urge you start a protest dialogue that may get some free publicity for this book.